One year ago…

We said goodbye to my mom.  It’s so strange that a whole year has passed and that so much has happened.  I keep thinking about one thing my mom left me with, so I thought I’d share a little about it. 

As many of you know, Jonathan and I struggled to get pregnant for several years.  During that time my mom was a rock for me.  I’ll never forget the day I called her – it was during the summer and my parents were on a vacation in Tennessee – and told her that we received more bad news from the doctor.  At that point I decided I was finished trying and would either go without having children or would adopt.  I’ve never heard my mom cry so hard.  She rarely cried around me and my sister (unless she was reading a children’s book…then it was complete water works), so this was the hardest thing in the world for me.  I never meant to make her that sad.  I realized at that moment that my hurt had become her hurt.  It was a very sad day, but I will never forget how supported and loved I felt after knowing that she hurt as much as I did.

Not long after that day, I received this bracelet in the mail from her.  She wanted me to remember that we can never give up hope.  My mom was a spiritual warrior and always knew the right thing to say or do to bring me back to God.  This bracelet was one of those things.  I started gathering Bible verses about hope and prayed all the time that God would fill me with hope again.  This was a turning point for me, spiritually, and I started to put my focus back on God instead of myself.  I’ll never be able to thank her enough for the gifts she gave me.  Not just the physical things, like this bracelet, but the gifts of faith, hope, and love.

I don’t know exactly what goes on in heaven, but I’d like to believe that my mom knows about Haidyn.  I’d like to believe that she had a hand in bringing this precious gift to our family.  I’d like to believe that she somehow knows her already.  If not, at least I can rest in the fact that someday I’ll get to tell my mom all about Haidyn and how our prayers were answered on her birthday in 2010. 

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul,  a hope both sure and steadfast.  Hebrews 6:19

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.    Romans 12:12

He will respond to the prayer of the destitute;  He will not despise their plea.  Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord.                    Psalm 102:17-18